Grief FAQs - French Funerals Cremations

Added 8/31/2010 • I've heard others use the term "viewing." What does this mean and what importance, if any, does it have in the grieving process? • One of my closest friends died in 9/11. Even though it's been several years, I still can't seem to move beyond the event. I know my question is related to your comments on viewing. Could you please provide additional details. • Grieving is very difficult for me and I'm tired of hurting. I'm tempted to try and short circuit it in some way. Can you help me? • I hesitate to share the death of my mother with co-workers because I try to keep my personal and business lives separate. However, I'm finding this harder and harder to do. Do you have any comments that might be helpful? Added 11/01/2009 • My father died several months ago and I'm already dreading the holiday season. What can I do to make this holiday meaningful for my family and me? • Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by grief. Can you give me some tips on how to handle this? • A member of my co-worker's family just died. What can my work team do for this individual? • "Death" is not an easy topic for me to talk about. Can you comment on this subject? • My husband and I recently lost our eighteen month old child. How can we be supportive of each other? • Our family is grieving the loss of our youngest child, age three. How do my husband and I respond to the needs of our other children? I've heard others use the term "viewing." What does this mean and what importance, if any, does it have in the grieving process? Viewing, or seeing a loved one after death, verifies that death has taken place; it brings reality to the event. Viewing can be a very difficult action, but one that can be instrumental in beginning the journey toward healing. We must recognize and internalize the reality of the loss before we can begin the long and difficult work of letting go. Healing from loss begins with its very recognition. - Back to top One of my closest friends died in 9/11. Even though it's been several years, I still can't seem to move beyond the event. I know my question is related to your comments on viewing. Could you please provide additional details. There are literally thousands of people wandering the streets of New York looking for "survivors" of 9/11. They believe beyond all hope that their loved one is still there somewhere. They have been unable to move beyond the event due to the unavailability of any physical remains to confirm their loss. Their inability to "view" has left them unsure of the validity of death. Viewing, or seeing someone after death, verifies the fact that a death has taken place and swings open the door to enormous change. - Back to top Grieving is very difficult for me and I'm tired of hurting. I'm tempted to try and short circuit it in some way. Can you help me? Grief is a difficult and painful event. There is no denying how hard this process is for anyone. Like childbirth, surgery or physical therapy, there will be no healing before there is pain. Taking a pill, ignoring the problem or not confronting the issue will certainly put it out of harm's way but only for a while. No one would ever choose pain by itself, but given that there is no healing without pain - both physical and emotional - we cannot ignore the long term benefits of this decision. Please don't try to short circuit your grief. - Back to top I hesitate to share the death of my mother with co-workers because I try to keep my personal and business lives separate. However, I'm finding this harder and harder to do. Do you have any comments that might be helpful? It's best if a loss can be recognized in a societal context as well as a familial one. The need of a business associate, friend or neighbor may be as great as that of the immediate family member to verify and confront the reality of a loss. The pain of many can be shared and divided into manageable pieces. The realization that more than just "you" is in pain is in some way a comfort in and of itself. Expressions of sadness, sharing of physical touch, tears, stories and mourning can all be healing. Perhaps it would be beneficial to reconsider sharing with co-workers select pieces of information about your mother's death. - Back to top My father died several months ago and I'm already dreading the holiday season. What can I do to make this holiday meaningful for my family and me? When you've lost a loved one, the holiday season can be an especially painful time. Holidays are by nature nostalgic, and even the happiest of memories can be painful when one is grieving. Here are two suggestions that are especially helpful. - Be prepared! Don't be taken off guard. Be prepared for the holidays to be an emotional time for you. Don't be surprised by sadness, loneliness, anger, yearning or any other feelings. Openly share with family and friends what's on your mind. - Change traditions! Don't be afraid to change traditional holiday celebrations. Of course there will be some traditions you will still want to honor, but start changing small things such as having dinner at a different time or in a different family member's home. Changing tradition is a sign that your life has now changed. . - Back to top Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by grief. Can you give me some tips on how to handle this? Sometimes during the grief process, it is helpful to approach recovery with simple actions that can be done one day at a time. By initially acting in short intervals, it is easier to develop a long term renewed meaning and purpose in life. Consider the following: - I am going to live through these moments and hours – only – and not attempt to understand everything that is happening in my life right now. I can do something for several moments or hours that would be difficult to even consider doing for several days or months. - I am going to conserve my energy because I know that grieving takes strength. I’m going to commit to fewer obligations and only do the things that are necessary. - Back to top A member of my co-worker's family just died. What can my work team do for this individual? Many companies send flower arrangements, food baskets or plants to the co-worker. For those who worked directly with the individual and prefer to send their own acknowledgement, a group sympathy card signed by each person can be comforting. Contributing to a charity in the name of the deceased may be a kind gesture. Individual notes written on nice stationery are always appropriate. - Back to top "Death" is not an easy topic for me to talk about. Can you comment on this subject? Death is natural; it's inevitable. Discovering meaning and satisfaction in life can grow out of our knowledge that life has an end, that there is only a finite amount of time to appreciate, to create, to achieve. Death creates an urgency to love and care more fully about others because life and those whom we hold dear, will come to an end. Death always asks the hard question: “Why?” As human beings of reason and logic, we tend to think there should be a purpose for everything that occurs. This thought provides us with some defense against our feelings of helplessness and lack of control. One of our most fervent challenges in life is to live fully even when we have so many unanswered questions. - Back to top My husband and I recently lost our eighteen month old child. How can we be supportive of each other? Parents grieve differently. Following a child's death, a father's emotions are aroused as strongly as the mother's, but the experience and expression of these emotions vary greatly. It's important that parents recognize these complexities of grief and refrain from becoming critical and judgmental of each other. Each has lost a child. Each must be gentle…compassionate…patient. - Back to top Our family is grieving the loss of our youngest child, age three. How do my husband and I respond to the needs of our other children? It's important to be sensitive to the needs of the remaining children in the household. It's common to think that children are unable to realize the significance of death. That is not true. Children are profoundly touched by the loss of a sibling and need help in understanding their inner conflict and confusion. Life has changed for them too, and it's imperative that they are helped to sort through and understand their own grief. - Back to top